Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Its been 1month and 3days since my grandmother passed away. cried like shyt on dat day, but i guess its part and parcel of life huh? and i know she had been wanting to leave cos she felt terrible. When she was still ard, she kept saying she wants to commit suicide and when she see my stun face she'll laugh and say haha dun worry luh i also cant walk =s
on 29th sept at ard 10+pm, my mother called and say shes in critical condition and everyone is at the hosp. i cabbed down with zh and when we rched, shes alr slping. i dunno why, but when i saw her lying there on the bed, im sudd flooded with emotions. had a super hard time holding back the tears luh. so i jus left the room ._. went to the rest lounge where my other relatives were, and i can sense dat many of them were trying to make the atmosphere more lively and avoiding talking abt her. At 12+, one of my uncle said we should go home as the kids still need to study the nx day. He said smth like "eh go home now luh. tmr den come back again". at dat time i sudd thought, will there still be a tmr? but i faster got rid of dat thought luh. end up she rrly passed away in the middle of the night at ard 3am =s
my mother went to the hosp when the maid who stayed with my grandma called. she din wake me up as i had work the nx day. woke up at 630am and my mother's eyes were red when she came in and told me grandmother passed away alr. i woke up instantly and stun for like 20 mins ._. end up i skipped work, and went down with her to see pple set up the wake. but the reality only rrly sets in when they carried my grandma's body into the coffin. we were supposed to kneel down and look on the floor luh. at dat moment, i dunno why i keep chanting jq's name in my head lol. i think mayb bcos hes always full of crap and always talk nonsense. i kept thinking of times when he say stupid things to distract myself. but still, i cant help thinking dat i din get to talk to her for the last time and the tears still came ._. there were lots of rituals and during the first break, i called jq, woke him up, and asked him to tell me jokes ._.
For the nx few days, went to work in the morning and attend the wake right after work. I think gradually, all of us felt better as we think dat she dun hav to endure all the pain anymore. During one of the days, zh's best fren's mama came. We were all sitting at a table talking and dunno why talk dao weddings. And zh said nx time during my wedding he'll give me $10 for the red packet. Den i said he shall sit outside, and he replied saying no, he'll stand on the stage with me. LOL. bwg ._.
4th night, my relatives played mj cos its the only thing dat can keep them awake till the nx morning. starting i was stunned luh! den i asked my uncle huh can play mj meh! den he say "can luh mother like to see us play mj one." and he turned to the photo and say "hor mother? we can play mj rite?" and he turned back to me and say "there u see. she say can" ._______. den cos the mj table there short of one chair and when i told him abt it, he tell me "这边什么都不多。椅子最多" LOL. but its true luh. the chairs rrly super alot. and its so coincidental luh. my grandma mentioned dat she want her funeral to be very lively etc. and during one of the days, its lantern festival. rrly damn lively. everywhere got pple playing sparkles lolol.
On the last night, we went thru all the rituals. Need to kneel, bow, walk ard the coffin etc. The mood went super down again. Dun even dare look at other pple luh. especially my mother. cos when i see her crying, i'll cry too ._. end up my cousin also asked me to change place with him cos at my place, he wont see his mama during all the turns =\ Sometimes the connection between mother and son/daughter is rrly very weird huh? Seems like when mothers are sad, the children can always feel it, and will feel sad as well. After all the rituals, we were supposed to burn the very big hse, car, and all the "money". While burning, we are supposed to call our grandma to come and take the hse. Den my cousin shout very loud say "EH TAKE THE CAR. BENZ LEH" LOL wth ._.
The nx morning, we went thru the rituals again, and then the cremation. Its good dat the cremation process was fast. Dat moment seriously sucks to the max. Everyone can be seen consoling somebody else, while crying him/herself =s My 1st uncle went mad and kept banging the glass zz. Among the cousins, we were saying, dun understand why he dun cherish his own mama when shes ard. Always take money from her, visit her only like during new yr? Every sunday during family gathering hes not there, bla bla. Gone alr den regret. And i heard dat at my grandma's hse, which is also my another uncle's hse, they need to throw the red colour thing and ask my grandma if she wants to stay there. They can only put the tablet there if one face up and the other face down, and the eldest son was supposed to throw it. My 1st uncle threw alot of times but din succeed. After dat, my last uncle throw and first try succeed alr. Sometimes rrly dunno whether to believe dis kind of things. So strange lol =s
Finally everything is over, and all of us went back to our own homes to rest. Was rrly damn tired..but rch home alr cant slp. thought abt how things will be like now, without her. She wont be coming over to my hse to see how we're doing, ask whether i've eaten. I wont be hearing her voice the nx time i call her hse. And i wonder if there'll still be gatherings? Will the family still be united? Nowadays when i call, im still very used to saying "hello, is my cardigan at ah ma's hse?" or "is ____ at ah ma's hse?" Went over occasionally and it feels weird to see her room empty and not hav her nagging me to go hav my lunch/dinner. Shyt man, while i blog abt dis, i sudd miss her alot again =\ I hope she'll be happy at wherever she is, if theres rrly things like afterlife?
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[10:19 AM]
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Birthday over in half an hr! hoho. had an enjoyable bday celebration this yr..with package, with bytches! I appreciate that majority of package pple made time even thou its nearing exams luh. Althou Sylvia and Darryl couldn't make it, but they had their reasons, and its okay! Also, thanks alot alot to vanee and jh for planning the celebrating and for the cake! Love u deep deep okay =D
Zhen fa with package, and potluck with bytches! Bytch gathering was nv boring and this time it was no exception~ Enjoyed the food dat all the bytches made, the dance session, crapping session abt *erhem* sperms? LOL. And the cake was rrly chocolatey to the max! They chose the 70% chocolate one cos im a chocolate loverrrr. And i think towards the end everyone got sick of the chocolate and nearly vomitted hahahah!
I love love love love the piano bday card thought of by vanee, realized by jh, helped by michie and claudia, and contributed by all others! And i rrly had no idea that some of them went to take the cake out at dat time, cos was busy reading the card. So nx yr i dun need to ownself take the cake out from fridge and put candles rite? hahahahaah =x
I had a very happy 19th bday, thanks to bytches, package(althou they wont get to see this), all those who sent their greetings and wishes by sms/fb/msn! Unexpected pple like zzl, jq, alex, aaron, jocelyn, jessica, jiahui..and of cos mr.star who thought he rmbed my bday wrongly when he saw the early bday msges at fb huh? hahahah. I think this yr is the yr i had the most interesting msges ever. Msges like the "calleralert" from aaron..msges in "korean language" from jh ._. and dickee who entertained me for like 30mins with his nonsense lol! Not forgetting michie's touched-me-to-tears blog entry! Was jus very touched at first, until i saw the "Love u so much cause u r 1 of those ppl I would say “I would not be who I am today if not for ur existence” to." AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. and michie should know dat this statement is vice versa huh. so how? i make u cry u make me cry very fun huh? LOL. And althou i've been repeating this, TO VANEE AND JH! i rrly rrly appreciate wat u've done okay! all the other bytches too! Thanks for making my bday such a memorable oneeee =D
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[11:32 PM]
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
HOHOHOHO I PASSED MY PIANO EXAM! HAHHAHAAHAHHA SUPER HAPPY LUH!
i got 100/150 which is JUST NICE the passing mark omg ._. when my auntie sms me i was so happy can! I checked my hp for the time the moment i woke up, and saw a msg from her saying "Hi u passed your grade 8. Congratulations!" omg i smiled like a retard can! damn damn damn damn damn happy! for dunno how long i kept worrying dat i'll wake up and see a "come at 6.30 for lesson this tuesday" msg. And im rrly very very very thankful to the examiner. she could have failed me so easily. minus 1 mark off any part and i'll fail alr. I got a feeling i should have failed, but she gave me 1 more mark to let me pass. I rrly screwed up the aural part la! hohohoho finally! byebye to those nitemares of failing the exam hahahaha!
and lastly, i enjoyed myself from 31st july - 2nd august! =DD
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[3:11 PM]
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sudd lots of emotions and thoughts running thru my mind =S Probably caused by all the sudden unexpected changes? Reallocation of fyp supervisor. Was super happy when i know dat i will be supervised by this particular lecturer initially. Cos he taught me before, and hes a very nice lecturer luh. Now they sudd tell me going to change supervisor zz
2nd thing is, my mentor is resigning cos of some family issues. Hes going back to KL during aug i think..before our exams end. Even thou he'll be covering the revision etc before he leave luh. But no matter wat he had been my class's mentor for 2.5 yrs. And during dis time hes more like a fren than a lecturer. Like compared to other lecturers, hes very frenly etc and i rmb last yr when theres a certain part of the module i dun understand, he keep teaching until i get it. Damn patient. its like he teach teach teach den ask "understand?" den i keep say no cos i rrly dun =.=" and he jus keep explaining until i rrly get it. Siannnnnnnnn. But the only thing constant is change, so i jus hav to live with it huh? =S
And lastly, after alex mentioned self reflection ytd, i started to think abt wat am i going to do in the future. My future is like so vague luh. it'll all depend on whether i pass this stupid grade 8 exam, which im not very confident abt. Cant seem to overcome the nervousness =\ If i fail it, i seriously dunno wat i can do? yea i can continue learning and take the exam till i pass. But in the meantime how? cant be a teacher. and i dunno wat else i can be. no IT related jobs dats for sure. From i think pri sch till now, the only career i've been thinking of is piano teacher? zzz
i shall end here abruptly =S
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[5:02 PM]
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Im back to blog about the emo walk home just now, after being mia for 1month+. This is a super long entry! don't say i nv warn u beforehand =D
Just rched home after mj-ing at alex's hse. by the time me and vanee rch je, it was alr ~11.55? there were no more buses home alr so bo bian had to walk home from lakeside.
Vanee say im not supposed to listen to mp3 while walking arbo shes going to whack me. i know its for my own gd luh cos so late alr..den the route from lakeside to my hse so ulu. If i listen to mp3, later got pple behind want murder me i also dunno. Being an obedient and good girl who follows instructions, i decided to heed vanee's advice. I was thinking, its quite a long way back home (especially since i hav sweaty palms and feet and the journey is made longer). and so! i dropped by the cheers at lakeside and bought a very hot and nice chicken pao.
I was thinking it'll last me for at least half the journey? little did i know dat its lifespan will be shortened to 5 mins after it rched my hands. i was holding my laptop and eating happily at the when i come across a super small slope................my very very "dry" feet decided to like usual, dsiao me and make me slip. tadah! my very hot and nice chicken pao suicide and ended up on the floor with its intestines dropped out.
U may laugh while u try to imagine the scenario but den i was feeling damn upset at dat time i tell u! Upset dat i cant even walk properly. cant even "survive" a stupid small slope which normal pple can jus easily walk pass it without noticing dat they jus walked pass a slope. and of cos, i was upset dat the thing which would "shorten" my journey back home was jus gone like dat ._. wth la. but okay nvm drop means drop alr. i cont-ed walking.
After awhile, i rched dis playgound which was super dark. All the lights were off. I was thinking "zz cant they see dat the area is super dark. why mus off playground lights", when i looked up and saw 2 pple sitting on top of the slide ._. zzzzz freaked me out can. wth la! they 12+ nth to do sit at playground for wat. no lights somemore. so i jus faster walk pass the playground luh..althou im quite sure they are normal beings =.="
This is not the end. After dat i saw a rat run pass me, took like 3209170362854yrs to overcome another slope, slipped like another 6 times before i finally rch home. A route which i usually took 10 mins to walk took me ~25mins. Along the way i was damn emo luh! i was thinking how helpless i am without frens ard. Outside, got vanee/michie/ym/jh etc. to hold me or let me hold when walking those "not so smooth" roads. In sch, got jocelyn and the rest. but once im alone and the weather is humid, i cant seem to walk without slipping. Seems like i might jus fall to death anytime? =S
The moment i rched home and saw my brother, i went "ZHHHHHHHHH i had a terrible experience jus now T_______T" i think he was shocked by my "jus survived a war" face and sian voice and he asked "huh why!". usually he'll jus comment smth like "wa elephant also know wat is terrible experience ar =D" when i tell him "aiya i'll tell u after i bathe", he went chasing after me all the way to the toilet saying "tell me now leh! wat happen!" i still ended up telling him after i bathed, and he said "aiyooo see la! nx time wear a shoe luh! dun wear slippers" knowing him, dats his way of showing concern. inbetween he still added things like "noob leh u. see la! u trying to be funny ar huh". but while blabbering on abt how noob i was, i heard him repeated "wear shoes nx time" 3 or 4 times. hahahahha..
So things wasn't so bad afterall luh. Even thou the journey back sucks to the max, but once i rch home, theres pple who rly care. My mother was still outside working but she din forget to call and ask whether i rched home safely, and whether i want supper. And of cos, vanee who asked me to msg her once i rch home. and regarding dis, super sorry! when i rch home was feeling super sticky and pek chek and i went to shower straight away.
Sometimes i feel dat last life i mus hav done smth super great like saved the world to deserve such nice family and frens. Not jus vanee, but also michie, ym, jh, etc etc. Michie even told me dat one day if i feel emo in the middle of the nite, dun hesitate to call her, even if its like 4am. See! Moral of the story: Everyone should start planning on how to save the world or universe or smth. den mayb nx life u'll hav super nice family and frens too. wahahahhah.
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[1:21 AM]
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Hasn't update for nearly a month =x This entry is specially written for my dearest bestie who was born 19 yrs ago.
Knew this wonderful girl for abt 6 yrs since sec 1? I rmb we used to be the 2 quietest girls in class. Super guai, and we were always arguing abt whos the ultimate guai kia ya? Everyday just go to sch and mind our own business. Nv scolded a word of vulgarity even thou the whole class was using it like free huh? hahahahha!
Den dunno since sec 2 or sec 3, we begin to frequent jp after sch for ljs! We were so scared we will bump into Mr Lian the first time we went luh! While eating combo 1 + cheese, we'll slowly end up gossiping and sharing problems and secrets rmb? lolol.. Calling u at nite asking abt the day's hw also bcame my daily routine, and all these phone calls will usually end up bcoming gossiping sessions too. LOL.
During sec 2, u also got together wif dickee for the first time rite? If im not wrong, it was a wednesday when we were walking to class and u sudd told me ure together wif him LOL. den some time later u told me the both of u broke up. Dat period of time sucks luh! i'll nv forget how upset u were lo! Teacher teaching in class.. listen listen halfway sudd want talk to u abt smth, turn see ur eyes red red and wif tears somemore. and i rmb u were trying to look up at the fan above us ._. i see le seh can! dunno wat am i supposed to do lol!
And den year 2005 came and the guys all switched from wearing shorts to wearing long pants. Rmb the first day when we all laughed at jiahao saying he looks like aladdin wif his long pants? =x Dat yr, we also got closer to vanee. Starting we were both so scared of her luh! Her scary msn nicks which show clearly wat kind of mood she is in currently. We used to try and analyze whether her nick is refering to us rite? HAHAHAHA. At dat time nv thought dat we would bcome jie meis one day hor? Miss those days walking with her to xingnan bus stop. And not forgetting me taking 242 to boon lay den change to 198, or u taking 99 halfway and den change to 242. lol!
Dat yr u also got back together wif dickee on the same day rite? Before dat u asked me whether u should go back to him. At dat time i was very reluctant for u to go back to him, cos i feel dat he'll hurt u again. I advised u against it, but i din say alot i think. Cos i know dat at dat time ur heart is alr wif him and no matter wat i say, u'll still want to be wif him. I ended up asking u to go wif heart issit? And im happy dat u did luh! I think nobody would be able to take care of u better than he did. The possesive and unreasonable boy had matured into a sensible and charming man huh =D There was a time when he kept bullying u and i rmb i disliked him, but dun dare tell him in the face cos hes very scary and i hum LOL =x
4 yrs in sch wif lots of memories. We nv quarrelled hor? Cos it seems like we always hav the same opinions on things. I feel like u understand me so well to the extent dat alot of times i dun hav to tell u wat im thinking or how im feeling, and u would jus know.
After dat we all graduated and went on different paths. U to TP (which is freaking far) and me to NP. The phone calls gets lesser but whenever i hav problems or feel upset, u'll be one of the few pple i'll think of calling. I hope its the same for u luh!
And also, i want to say dat im rrly rrly glad dat i hav u! No matter who i get to know nx time and how many gradually bcome best frens, u will always hav dis very special place which nobody will ever be able to replace! =D omgggggg like openly confessing my love for u or smth. LOL!
I know these 6 months will be a hard time for u, but i hope dat our (bytches) pressence will somehow make it easier for u in one way or another. If theres any one time when u feel horrible or need someone to call, dun hesitate or feel dat u'll be troubling us or wat okay! Like i've said, 我什么都没有，就是有时间 =x sch reopen le every sat study and eat prata together at library ya?
And dickee! if by any chance u happen to see dis, mus take care of urself over at Jinan okay! Jiayou and perservere on!~ Dun worry abt Mrs Pig, shes in gd hands (althou dis may sound abit unconvincing since its coming from me). She drop one hair we also will pick up keep in a box and pass u when ure back =D
Lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST MICHIE! i know dis yr wont be the same without dickee. But hopefully u'll enjoy this day as much as possible okay? This sounds super mushy but ur existence made a difference! Love u deep deep, muacks! <3 <3 <3
P.S. So did i manage to make u roll on the floor crying? HAHAHAHA =x I hope dis frenship lasts forever! It will ya? =DDDD
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[12:03 AM]
Monday, March 16, 2009
Even thou the replies made me speechless, im still rrly thankful dat i hav such super duper nice jie meis, who feel even more upset + angry than me when im "bullied". Love them to the max luh! No worries, im okay =D
Shall be back to update abt lunch at shangri-la.
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[9:57 PM]
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Life rocks after exams luh! had been going out, watching dramas, playing games bla bla. The last 2 days, especially, had been great. Cos piano exams over! wahahahaa..starting i was super stressed up over it luh. cos i feel dat im not fully prepared for it. But nvm, its over alr! will get back my results abt 1 month later. Rrly pray dat i'll pass ._. Aural sucks la!
Chionged finish it started wif a kiss few days ago. Very nice! I even rewatched part of it 3 times =x HAHAHAH. dl-ed maple private server 3 days ago wif vanee and jq. had fun lvl-ing and crapping together. We were training our pets by talking to them and giving commands like "sit, stand, talk, etc" when jq said dis.................
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-______________________________-Oh btw, im sudd addicted to mahjong. Playing mj and pool tmr! =DD
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[1:07 AM]
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Exams are finally over!..like er 1 week ago =x had a "catching up session" wif zzl (NOT DATE HOR MICHIE) and 4e1, e2 gathering on fri! its been a long long long long time since i last saw zl luh! went for lunch and watched marley and me at bugis. He's botak now.. damn funny =x talked and talked abt random stuffs..talked abt each other's lives bla bla. Actually thinking abt it, its quite surprising dat we can still go out and talk normally huh. can even joke abt the past. hahahaha..
Left bugis at 4pm and went home to teach piano. Joined the others at Mayfair after dat for the bbq. The food was nice luh! Saw pple like joel, ceyu, etc whom i've not seen for a longgggg time. After the bbq, went up to dickee's hse to play! We played a game called "homojaleh"? damn fun! laughed like mad and ended up losing my voice ._. At abt 11+, dickee drived some of us home and the rest took cab. Not bad ar dickee. safety driver rite =D and also, thanks andrew for accompanying me up to my hse! mai siao siao okay. last time during sec sch days, i think he wont even see the need to send a girl home. now will le hor! bcome gentleman alr huh. hahahhaa!
Went for piano lesson today and after dat, watched the movie "kungfu chef" wif vanee, jh, jq, ky, yang, darryl and sylvia at amk hub. Movie was so-so luh..no moral of the story and no climax LOL. but its the company dat counts la huh.
Sometimes i wonder how long will dis kind of "play together and hav fun" frenship last? If i rrly go and think abt it, our frenship is not those whereby 2 pple will share their problems and so on. Its jus going out and playing, laughing together? Get the feeling dat for dis kind of frenships, once we seldom meet up for outings and etc, we'll slowly drift apart. lolol..and most of them will be having attachment dis holiday. which means dat everybody would be too busy to meet up. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. okay enough of all these ._.
Im super stressed up over my piano exam dis wed luh! seems like theres still alot of things im unsure of. i dun want to fail.......... T__________T okay, im off to practice again. yes, at 1am ._. i closed all the windows and door, and play damn soft. no choice luh. every minute counts now u know T.T
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[12:34 AM]
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I was studying, and i dunno why my mind started to wander and thought abt random stuffs. Sudd thought of wat i want to achieve during the holidays. like er...lose 5kg? Im going to go jogging regularly and control my diet! and i want to start slping early and see if i can get rid of the panda eyes @_@ seems hard uh =\
Went to the sci centre job registration jus now. Kns diff job scope wif jq and yvonne again. rahhhhhh i want to work together wif frens luh! Especially if work wif jq, he bullshyt abit here and there, end of the day liao. sian sian sian! but nvm. i shall jus endure that 10 days. After dat will hav $$ to go out play and shop! HOHOHO.
Jq dropped by my hse jus now to learn his canon in D ._. not bad luh today learnt quite alot. But dis resulted in me starting on my revision at as late as 9pm? Not his fault thou. I started dis late cos i dun feel stress until the very last min LOL =x i will be chionging till tmr morning, and go straight to sch for the paper~ omg luh last time during sec sch even if last min, also wont last min dao dis extend. hav to ton overnite ._. freaking tired can! i can foresee myself floating tmr =D but its okay! its the last day liaooo~~ i can see the door to heaven opening =DDDDDDDD
okay, its time i go back and revise.
AHHHHHHHHHH I HATE STUDYING. I HATE DWA F5
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[12:42 AM]
